


The days before

by FlowerWishes



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M, POV Sander Driesen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25803364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerWishes/pseuds/FlowerWishes
Summary: Sander's POV of some of the days leading up to OHN
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Kudos: 38





	The days before

**Sunday**

Sander had been at the hospital for a couple of days now and the beige colored walls, empty of expression, were starting to feel like they were closing in on him. Every so often, like clockwork, his mind would leave its current train of thought and revert to Robbe's message, _Because there is no us_. He tried to push it to the back of his mind, tried to escape the thought and focus on himself and getting through his current state but it was a useless effort and he knew it would be from the start.

Robbe had been the light in Sander's life for the past two months and seeing that light flicker and slowly dim was painful and torturous. He managed to keep the light shining everyday by drawing picture after picture of Robbe and their experiences together, of the memories they shared. Even though he knew it was over, he wasn't willing to let go and would bask in the warm rays of that light for as long as possible.

* * *

**Tuesday**

Sander's phone pinged with a new message, a message from Robbe.

**Robbe** : _Scratch that last text. I've been able to think about it and I want you._

Sander let his mind dwell upon the message. He was so beyond ecstatic that Robbe wanted him and to be with him but the pain of his last message still lingered in his heart. He reveled in the excitement for a few moments before he came back down and realized that Robbe's happiness came before his. Robbe deserved to be happy, he deserved to be loved by someone who wouldn't drag him down with him, someone who could be his rock and not his weight to bear.

Sander put his phone down, deciding not to reply until he had fully processed his thoughts, or processed them as much as possible. The inner turmoil he felt was bubbling to the surface, does he go with what his heart yearns for or does he follow what his mind knows to be true and right.

* * *

**Friday**

Sander had deliberated all week and had finally decided what his response to Robbe would be. His hands were shaking as he took out his phone to record his message, the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Hey Robbe, I'll keep it brief," Sander took a pause to gather his thoughts and prepare to form the next few words and release them into the world.

"You were right," the pain in his throat increased and he struggled to hold back the tears.

"There is no us. There never has been and there never will be."

It felt like someone had taken sandpaper to his throat, the words stung to say and hurt even more to hear as they exited his mouth. He ended the voice note and let it send. He placed his phone on the bed side table and stared at the ceiling before the tears surfaced and took him over. He cried and cried until it felt like there were no more tears left, until it felt like there was nothing left, until it felt like he was nothing. He turned over on his bed and cried himself to sleep, the words he just uttered casting shadows upon his dreams turned nightmares.

* * *

**Sunday**

It was Sunday, Sander had been here for over a week at this point. He was fed up with the stale environment filled with nothing but loneliness and solitude. He decided to pack up his things, only the necessities, taking a couple of shirts, a hoodie, his toiletries and most importantly his art supplies. Before he left the room he placed a drawing of Robbe on the desk and wrote a message to him on it, a simple 'sorry'. Sorry that he wasn't enough, sorry that he put him through so much pain and sorry for not being what he wanted and needed.

He headed towards the nurses station and told them that he was ready to check himself out. After signing some forms, he was cleared to leave. He took the elevator to the ground floor and exited the building. He felt the cold air on his skin and the wind rush through his hair, he was physically free but mentally, he was trapped.

He knew exactly where he was going, what his destination was. It was the place that provided him with the most comfort and calm other than when he was in Robbe's arms. He knew that he would be safe there.

When he arrived at the university, he climbed the stairs and found an empty studio which fit his needs perfectly. He put his stuff down before assembling a makeshift bed using a mat he found there and a sleeping bag he had purchased on the way over here. He unpacked his pencils and other supplies and lay them across the desk before sitting down and placing his head in his hands, grounding himself. He already felt calmer and less anxious. He took to placing his drawings and photos of Robbe and himself on the walls so that he would be surrounded by memories of times that brought him happiness and joy. He picked up his pencil, took out a piece of paper and began sketching another picture of Robbe, his hands moved instinctively to create the curves of Robbe's face. He sat there for hours, his phone switched off to isolate himself in the world he was creating, a world where he felt safe and comfortable.

* * *

**Monday**

Sander woke up from his deep sleep and turned his phone on. Numerous missed calls from his parents, a few from Britt and one from Robbe. He lifted the phone to his ears and played Robbe's message,

"Sander, there is something between us. I love you. I want you to call me as soon as you hear this, okay?"

Sander relished in the sound of Robbe's voice, absorbing it into his mind, replaying Robbe saying "I love you" on repeat in his mind. As much as he wanted to give into his desires and run to Robbe, he knew that he couldn't, he had to protect Robbe's heart from the hurt that he would inflict upon it if he went back to him. It was his responsibility to minimize the casualties he caused.

He decided to send Robbe a message.

**Sander** : _Everything I do is Chernobyl. I can't protect you from the fallout._

Robbe replied within seconds.

**Robbe** : _Everything okay?? Where are you?_

 **Sander** : _I'm taking shelter until the meltdown is over. Somewhere safe._

Sander closed the chat, locked his phone and went back to his sketch, went back to his memories of brighter times.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Stay safe xx
> 
> tumblr: flowerwishes1


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